"I also had the blueberry pie, which was advertised to me as 'kick-ass,' but it didn't totally kick my ass."
"I wish I were a frat boy here just eating wings all day long and majoring in organizational psychology or whatever it takes these days."
"I had a glass of wine at lunch because it made me feel European."
"If you're gonna eat doughnuts again, do it fabulously."
"I turned into Doughnuts McCigarettes the second I left for college."
"Is the yogurt having sex, in my mouth, as I eat it? Is it some sort of dairy orgy?"
"I topped of a day of burgers with a Black Angus burger."
"We brought a half-bottle of Moet rosé and drank that from plastic cups."
"I mean, jeepers! It's fried chicken."
"I do like a good burger."
"I spent a few hours working and drinking a pot of soy chai tea made with an actual blend of teas from my family's village in Uganda!"
"I probably should worry about getting mercury poisoning; I had it once already."
"I've also been told I was intimately involved with a single slice of cheese pizza."
"I wish I could say I used eggs from my own chickens."
"I decide in that moment that I am now Frank Bruni."
"Sit down and enter barbecue heaven."
"I'm learning the key to being a parent: drink early."
"I always want cheese."
"I thought, 'This is the height of luxury.'"