"The more I eat, the closer I get to death by cardiac arrest. But if I stop, am I even living?"
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"I play Valencia on the show, and her dietary rules are completely opposite of mine. I love to eat."
"It's a federal law that people of Jewish descent have to order Asian takeout once a week."
"I snagged some of that before passing out on my pillow, dreaming about carbs."
"It's a hit-or-miss joke with the staff, but it makes me laugh, and it makes my husband roll his eyes ... I know he's laughing on the inside."
"I think if I had the strength of my convictions, I would be vegetarian."
"If this diary reveals anything, it’s that caffeine is my friend."
"We had the kind of dinner party where you gather all the folks you’ve been meaning to get together with in one room and just add alcohol."
"If I could eat like this all the time, not only would I be morbidly obese, but I'd also be a very happy man."
"I am constantly drinking the most cheap-ass powdered-iced-tea mix. It keeps me going."
"I’ve conveniently convinced myself that bacon makes me a better actor."
"I feel like I eat like a college student."
"To me, food is just an endless source of happiness."
"Coffee and sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them."
"I eat one palmier, and then I think I eat at least a couple more."
"To me, the best beef tendon is braised so long that it has the characteristics of a hot Haribo gummy bear — jiggly, chewy, and dense at the same time."
"We put the syrup on the radiator while we prepped everything else, so it would be warm in time."
"They are finding their way into my stomach without me even trying."
"There are a lot of ways to break a croissant down, and I judge it without mercy."
"In my imagination I eat pretty well, but I wonder if logging it will make me realize how deluded I am."