"The more I eat, the closer I get to death by cardiac arrest. But if I stop, am I even living?"
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"I play Valencia on the show, and her dietary rules are completely opposite of mine. I love to eat."
"It's a federal law that people of Jewish descent have to order Asian takeout once a week."
"I snagged some of that before passing out on my pillow, dreaming about carbs."
"It's a hit-or-miss joke with the staff, but it makes me laugh, and it makes my husband roll his eyes ... I know he's laughing on the inside."
"I think if I had the strength of my convictions, I would be vegetarian."
"If this diary reveals anything, it’s that caffeine is my friend."
"If I could eat like this all the time, not only would I be morbidly obese, but I'd also be a very happy man."
"I’ve conveniently convinced myself that bacon makes me a better actor."
"I feel like I eat like a college student."
"To me, food is just an endless source of happiness."
"Coffee and sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them."
"I eat one palmier, and then I think I eat at least a couple more."
"To me, the best beef tendon is braised so long that it has the characteristics of a hot Haribo gummy bear — jiggly, chewy, and dense at the same time."
"They are finding their way into my stomach without me even trying."
"There are a lot of ways to break a croissant down, and I judge it without mercy."
"In my imagination I eat pretty well, but I wonder if logging it will make me realize how deluded I am."
"This was my first time trying Animal's legendary poutine."
"Pizza is a great uniter, like the Statue of Liberty. It accepts all."
"Never order red wine at sports bars. Just don't."