"I would like to state for the record this entire episode stems from a tragic abuse by someone I have known for years."
What someone has here is a failure to communicate, we're just not sure who.
Rudy Kurniawan faces criminal charges.
Churros would have been another story altogether.
The greatest trick Old Pappy ever played was convincing the world that someone stole 65 cases, or something.
That's some real holiday spirit.
Or, two bottles' worth.
Social media strikes again.
The owners of New Hunan in Helena have been banned from hunting for six years.
Expect a "significant announcement" next Monday afternoon.
And he would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for that pesky slow-cooked smell.
There is, however, a happy ending.
That's one enormous, disgusting cocktail.
Because if it's not on Instagram, you didn't actually steal it.
He's pleading not guilty to charges of first-degree conspiracy to commit murder, etcetera, etcetera.
And we thought they stopped feeding chickens steroids a long time ago.
All she wanted was a soft drink.
The suspect didn't exactly make himself hard to find.
Hubbard says he's been wrongly fingered in connection to the theft of many, many fingers of the rare booze.