Yesterday, the Los Angeles Times published its highly scientific, official fast-food French fry rankings. And while some of the rankings (Five Guys at No. 1??) raised more questions than answers here, there was one Grub will absolutely get behind: In-N-Out’s fries came in dead last. Those fries taste approximately like cardboard seasoned with sawdust, and are so bad that even their hometown paper declared them horrible.
It was an extraordinarily brave position to take for the paper of record in a city where the predominant religion is the cult of In-N-Out. Unsurprisingly, given that most Angelenos greet each other by saying, “I hope you have a Double-down,” there was some backlash. The (misguided) call even came from within the house, as the Times’ columnist Frank Shyong called the sentiment “performative groupthink” and its social media intern went rogue and revealed she was made to share a ranking she couldn’t stand by. She also shared her own rankings, the top five of which were In-N-Out. (Someone get her some curly fries!) Even L.A. mayor Eric Garcetti realized he had to weigh in on the day’s most pressing issue.
Thankfully, it was not all madness, and others admitted that, yes, the only place for In-N-Out fries is the dumpster. Despite the detractors who have been brainwashed into liking truly garbage fries, this ranking shows that there is hope yet that more Californians will come out and admit that In-N-Out is, eh, just okay.