It’s been a weird year. Imagine if in 2013, your friend pulled you aside and told you, “In five years, the hottest thing in drinks will be murky oat water.” You would shout, “Nonsense!” And, yet, here we are, in the year of our lord 2018, when the surest way to someone’s heart is a beautifully wrapped, 32-ounce carton of Oatly. Opportunistic Amazon sellers are offering cases of the off-white hot alt-milk for as much as $226, the sky-high prices being the result of a shortage caused by the product’s sudden trendiness. Christmas is just a few days away, but if you call out sick for the rest of the day, you could return whatever gifts you thought you should’ve gotten your loved ones and spend the money on oat milk, instead. These are supposed to be happy holidays, and everyone is going to be really grumpy without their oat lattes.
An alt-milk everyone can finally agree on. Photo: Oatly