Hawaiian Grocery Stores Reportedly Overrun With Spam Bandits

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As good as gold. Photo: Roberto Machado Noa/LightRocket via Getty Images

Hawaii is under siege by Spam bandits. Individuals in the state have pulled off a series of brazen canned-meat heists. The thefts have become so common, the Washington Post reports, that some shops are protecting the mystery-meat gold by locking it in plastic cases usually reserved for pricier items.

At a Safeway on Oahu, a customer spotted a man who grabbed eight cases of Spam and made a beeline for the exit. In another instance, three women at a Longs drugstore filled shopping carts with 18 cases of Spam and bolted — but were thwarted by a customer no doubt compelled to defend Hawaii’s Spam supply. Meanwhile, the Honolulu Police Department has offered $1,000 for a Spam thief, and his alleged accomplice, who attacked a security guard that tried to protect his employer’s Spam. (Where’s America’s most badass service-industry professional when you need him?)

These Spam-burglars aren’t part of some noble Robin Hood–like pursuit. Instead, officials say the thefts are due to the state’s thriving Spam black market. Tina Yamaki, president of the Retail Merchants of Hawaii, tells the Washington Post that the heists are “organized retail crime” and not driven by a need to eat or feed a family.

As with all heists, you want to track the wares. However, it’s unclear where this hot Spam is being sold, but it might be out of the back of cars, which is also fitting. And with Hawaii’s insatiable demand for the “pork” product, can they really put a lid on this canned-meat black market now that it’s been opened wide?

Hawaiian Grocery Stores Reportedly Overrun With Spam Bandits