For Unclear Reasons, Someone Is Selling Fireball-Flavored Bagels

By

How naïve our grandparents were, thinking the greatest indignity a bagel could suffer was cinnamon-raisin flavoring. They could not anticipate the blobs of baked play dough that are rainbow bagels, or the middle-school art-project-looking galaxy bagels. And they definitely didn’t know that cinnamon-raisin bagels would mutate into bagels made with Fireball, the Big Red–flavored whiskey made from frat boys’ tears.

The stunt bread was created by the serial bagel offenders at New Jersey’s the Bagel Nook, who make it by pouring Fireball into the dough itself, then dunking the bagels into a Fireball glaze, sprinkling on cinnamon sugar, and pairing it with apple-pie cream cheese. After inventing such viral sensations as the Doritos Overload bagel, the Oreos Overload bagel, and the Cookie Monster Overload bagel, the owners have clearly realized that they don’t have to try very hard and have thrown in the towel. But, hey, this is the perfect bagel for Chad to pick up for Pi Kappa Phi’s next boozy boys’ brunch.

New Jersey Unleashes Fireball-Flavored Bagels on the World