Neiman Marcus Will Sell You Collard Greens for $81

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Photo: Neiman Marcus

Time and time again, Neiman Marcus manages to upend expectations with its insanely ostentatious offerings. This year, it has truly outdone itself in the food department: For the low, low price of $66 plus $15.50 in shipping, you can get … four 12-ounce trays of frozen collard greens.

Presumably, you are paying a premium because the greens, unlike any others you’ve had before, are seasoned with “just the right amount of spices and bacon.” This perfect seasoning was painstakingly arrived at by a gaggle of chefs who had been holed away in a lab for years; several died before finishing the project. (Pro tip: Wait to eat your collards until you can do so in your $1.5 million rose-gold private plane.) Naturally, the internet is having a field day:

Neiman Marcus Will Sell You Collard Greens for $81