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Instant Success of KFC’s Chicken Sunscreen Is Another Step Back for America

Here in the flesh, as it were.

Yesterday, KFC unveiled a sunscreen that smells like the colonel’s 11 herbs and spices, but, unfortunately, if slathering on chicken-scented lotion sounds like something you, too, would like to do, you’ve already missed your window: Psychos made an immediate run on it, exhausting all 3,000 bottles of Extra Crispy Sunscreen in approximately two hours. (It helped that the sunscreen was being given away free. So, presumably, did casting the perma-tanned George Hamilton as the chain’s latest Colonel Sanders.)

It comes in SPF 30, and, at least according to testimonials in the accompanying ad, leaves wearers “always tan and always smelling great.” Probably per advice of KFC’s in-house legal team, it also comes with myriad warnings that it isn’t edible, like this one found on the website under side effects: “KFC Extra Crispy Sunscreen is not a food product. NOT a food product. Do not eat this product. Even though this product smells delicious, it is not delicious.”

While the vast majority of reactions were negative — some combo of highly skeptical and seriously dismayed — the sad truth is that, for better or worse, KFC has seemingly filled a niche American cosmetic need:

Success of KFC’s Chicken Sunscreen Is a Step Back for U.S.