Keurig Green Mountain, the maker of single-serving coffee pod machines that double as office-kitchenette bacteria colonies, has been sold to an investment group for $13.9 billion. The coffee is of questionable quality, and public enthusiasm for coffee pods appears to be on the wane, but the purchasing group, which is led by private-equity firm JAB Holdings and includes Oreo-maker Mondelez, says the deal is a crucial step toward the actualization of its “global coffee platform.”
The sale comes a couple of months after Keurig’s disappointing debut of the long-in-development Kold soda-maker, and amid the news that sales have declined steadily since the third quarter of 2014. Traders are apparently happy, though, as stocks shot up 76 percent during early-morning trading. Perhaps everyone’s just excited about the inevitable prospect of Oreo-flavored coffee pods.