New Stress-Busting Bra Detects Emotional Overeating

It pinches your nipple when you pick up a cupcake.
It pinches your nipple when you pick up a cupcake. Photo: Shutterstock

Microsoft Research has invented a seemingly magical bra that, apparently, can monitor moods and help regulate stress-eating. Because what’s more tragic than a woman who feeds her feelings and sabotages her perfect physique? The battery-powered bra is equipped with sensor pads that stream data to a smartphone app, but the real question remains: Are they push-up pads? Does the bra add a cup size while stopping you from eating a cookie just because? One of the researchers said that she tried to invent the same type of stress-busting device for men’s underwear, but it wouldn’t work because it was too far away from the heart. (Duh.) And since it’s “mostly women who are emotional overeaters,” why even try? It won’t be long before this misogynistic bra will be able to reveal when you’ve met your soul mate, make your hair grow long and shiny, and even unhook itself after you finish cleaning your house. [Discovery]