If you follow 2 Chainz on Instagram (handle: hairweavekiller), you know he has a (surprising?) love of food. In fact, his new album, B.O.A.T.S. 2 #Metime, out today, comes with a 28-page "cookbook" — #Meal Time — full of recipes from the 2 Chainz tour bus. Is it as amazing as it sounds? Yes, it is.
To start, here's the intro:
YOU’RE ON THE ROAD AND YOU’RE HUNGRY. 2 CHAINZ HAS BEEN THERE, AND NOW HE’S REACHING INTO HIS DEEP, FLAVORFUL POCKETS TO HOOK YOU UP WITH THE RECIPES YOU’LL NEED FOR YOUR TIME OUT ON THE ROAD.
KEEP IN MIND, ALL MEASUREMENTS ARE AT THE DISCRETION OF YOUR PALETTE. AS WE ALL KNOW, SOME PEOPLE HAVE A LOT OF FLAVOR, WHILE OTHERS ENJOY THEIR FOOD AND THEIR LIFESTYLE A LITTLE MORE SUBTLE (BORING). ALSO KEEP IN MIND THAT THESE RECIPES ARE INTENDED TO BE MADE AT 70 MPH WHEN YOU’RE ON A TOUR BUS, SO EXACT MEASUREMENTS CAN’T ALWAYS BE ACCOMMODATED.
MEANWHILE, BE SURE TO SEASON EVERY SINGLE MEAL IN LAYERS AS YOU PREPARE THE RECIPES SO AS TO AVOID THROWING SEASONINGS ON DISHES AFTER THEY’RE ALREADY COOKED, AND ITEMS BEING PREPARED CAN ABSORB THE FLAVORS OF THE SPICES. AND WHILE BUTTER IS ALWAYS PREFERABLE TO SUBSTITUTES, MIXING IN OLIVE OIL CAN WORK, AS IT’S BOTH HEALTHIER AND HAS A HIGHER SMOKE POINT THAN BUTTER.
2 CHAINZ DOESN’T WRITE DOWN HIS MUSIC, IT FLOWS NATURALLY FROM HIS MIND. FOLLOW 2 CHAINZ, AND FEEL FREE TO FREESTYLE YOUR COOKING UNTIL YOU (AND WHOEVER’S EATING ALONGSIDE YOU) ENJOY IT.
FINALLY, REMEMBER: EMBRACE MISTAKES, AND ALWAYS COOK WITHIN YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
So, aside from the palette/palate confusion — possibly an allusion to 2 Chainz's artistry, but also possibly just a typo — we're off to a good, if somewhat expected, start.
Things get much more interesting when you dig into the recipes. Here are the sixteen best instruction lines, which actually appear in the book. Chefs around the world, take note:
• "Put on your Versace apron." —Teriyaki salmon, step one.
• "Drape yourself in an Adidas sweatsuit, chainz n thangs." —Sautéed asparagus, step one.
• "Go to the mall, spend a handful of racks on a new outfit for the night. " —"Me Time" sauce, step one.
• "Get a manicure and a pedicure." —"Me Time" sauce, step two.
• "Spend some more 'me time' at the house, catching on old seasons of The Wire." — "Me Time" sauce, step three.
• "If wearing a four-finger ring, carefully place it on a side table before starting to cook." —Garlic mashed potatoes, step one.
• "Serve in a gold bowl and garnish with remaining parsley." —Garlic mashed potatoes, step twelve.
• "Play 'I Do It' as you do it." —Shrimp scampi, step six.
• "Call Fergie, invite her to watch a movie on Netflix. Once she accepts, start making green beans." —Garlicky green beans, step one.
• "Position yourself in a room surrounded by a handful of TVs playing Sportscenter with the sound off." —Crab cakes with mango salsa, step one.
• "Put on your favorite Alexander Wang tee and put on 'U Da Realest,' and take a minute to zone out to the music before you start cooking." —Chicken Marsala, step one.
• "Start 'U Da Realest' from the top and get into the right headspace to finish up the meal." —Chicken Marsala, step six.
• "Plate chicken for yourself, sit at the head of your dining room table, and eat the chicken while you sing along to 'Beautiful Pain.'" —Fried chicken, step ten.
• "Once finished, plate racks of lamb alongside a bottle of extravagantly priced Cabernet. 2 Chainz and fine wine. You want true? That's true enough." —Herb-crusted lamb rib chops, step eight.
• "Call your friends and invite them over for a cookout. Tell them 2 Chainz is firing up the grill." —Mixed seafood grill kebabs, step one.
• "Take a minute to celebrate yourself, and celebrate the 'me time' you were able to spend cooking these meals." —Pan-seared sea bass with heirloom-tomato salsa, step twelve.