Nine Reasons Why the Cupcake Boom Went Bust

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Splat.
Splat. Photo: iStockphoto

Yesterday, the world learned the truth: The cupcake market is in the dumps. It’s been a long, frosting-filled ride, but the little desserts that have practically defined sweets for the last decade, are (finally) on the wane. How did this happen to a foodstuff whose dessert dominance once seemed unimpeachable? In retrospect, there were plenty of warning signs — here are just nine reasons why the bottom fell out on the cupcake market.

1. They went corporate: Magnolia Bakery opened in Dubai. Kuwait, Beirut, and Doha. Crumbs went public.

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1. They went corporate: Magnolia Bakery opened in Dubai. Kuwait, Beirut, and Doha. Crumbs went public.

Total sell-out

2. They became symbols of female depression and loneliness. Remember Bridesmaids? And Lena Dunham eating a cupcake in a bathtub on Girls?

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2. They became symbols of female depression and loneliness. Remember Bridesmaids? And Lena Dunham eating a cupcake in a bathtub on Girls?

Kristen Wiig eats her feelings.Photo: Universal Pictures

3. Businesses keep blaming Hurricane Sandy for their troubles. Magnolia Bakery claims that flooding brought in vermin, and Crumbs attests that it only closed stores because of the storm.

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3. Businesses keep blaming Hurricane Sandy for their troubles. Magnolia Bakery claims that flooding brought in vermin, and Crumbs attests that it only closed stores because of the storm.

Sandy’s not a scapegoat.

4. Losers eat them. Just look at this photo.

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4. Losers eat them. Just look at this photo.

Happy 66th Birthday.Photo: taggromney/Instagram

5. They became the grounds for a bad sitcom. The entire premise of 2 Broke Girls is that the characters are saving up to open a cupcake shop. Nobody wants this to happen.

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5. They became the grounds for a bad sitcom. The entire premise of 2 Broke Girls is that the characters are saving up to open a cupcake shop. Nobody wants this to happen.

Go away.Photo: Darren Michaels/Warner Bros.

6. Cupcake ATM machines exist. If there’s any indication that this dessert has become too ubiquitous and lowbrow, it’s Honey Boo Boo’s involvement.

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6. Cupcake ATM machines exist. If there’s any indication that this dessert has become too ubiquitous and lowbrow, it’s Honey Boo Boo’s involvement.

Oy vey.Photo: Darren Michaels/Warner Bros.

7. Cupcakes are anti-feminist. Jezebel says they “represent prescribed modes of femininity and our cultural fixation on eternal girlhood” and “cupcakes are small, and small is cute, and women are supposed to be cute.”

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7. Cupcakes are anti-feminist. Jezebel says they “represent prescribed modes of femininity and our cultural fixation on eternal girlhood” and “cupcakes are small, and small is cute, and women are supposed to be cute.”

8. Too many damn cupcake blogs.

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8. Too many damn cupcake blogs.

Barbie cake pops: arguably more offensive than cupcakes.

9. Real cake is more fun, and it’s not that hard to purchase by the slice. You can share it with friends. It’s messy. It’s sexy. You can get ice cream cake. The possibilities are limitless. Eat cake!

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9. Real cake is more fun, and it’s not that hard to purchase by the slice. You can share it with friends. It’s messy. It’s sexy. You can get ice cream cake. The possibilities are limitless. Eat cake!

Carbone’s Blackout CakePhoto: Melissa Hom

Nine Reasons Why the Cupcake Boom Went Bust