Fifteen Things to Blame for the Impending Bacon Shortage

Was it worth it, lovers of bacon cupcakes?
Was it worth it, lovers of bacon cupcakes? Photo: Mitchell Feinberg

News of the impending worldwide pork shortage spread quickly today. It’s still unclear just how hard we’ll be hit — “Where were you,” we imagine our children saying in a dystopian future, “when you first heard the bacon had run out?” — but it’s never too soon for finger pointing. Here, then, are all the people and things to blame when the world’s bacon supply finally goes belly up.

1. Epic Meal Time
2. Bacon Bowls
3. The “Bacon Explosion”
4. Fat-Washing
5. Tempura Bacon
6. Meatopia
7. Whole-pig dinners, everywhere
8. The bacon bra
9. Kevin Bacon, made of bacon
10. The bacon machine gun
11. Bacon vodka, cupcakes, brownies, coffee, marshmallows, and sundaes
12. Weaponized bacon
13. Too many uncatchy novelty songs
14. Praise the Lard
15. This fucking guy

Earlier: Pig Out: Experts Say Bacon Shortage Is ‘Unavoidable’