Ilan Hall is funny. Not just “funny,” as in “I’m-weird-because-I-serve-bacon-wrapped-matzoh-balls” but gut-busting in the real sense of the word. Anyone who may have seen his humorous ad in August’s Los Angeles magazine (“Best restaurant in the world!”-Rene Redzepi Impersonator, “I’ve never been there.”-Bobby Flay) or his fictitious food run with Suge Knight knows this already. Today the chef offers his other cheek to Shalom Life, describing his cooking as “crispy, salty, and obnoxious” and revealing his future plans: “In 5 years, I will be in the kitchen, teaching my son how to braise a lamb shank,” he says, while “In 20, I’ll be driving around in my flying car, listening to some of that old gangster shit.”
But what we really love is the self-penned bio that Hall, who wants to be remembered as a foie-fighter, submitted that Shalom Life refused to print, but printed anyway:
At the age of 27, Ilan developed a form of energy that uses bacon to power a time machine. He has visited the Cretaceous period and has cooked Velociraptor eggs to a perfect over easy. He also visited an infant David Bowie and can personally confirm that he wrote the lyrics to the song ‘China Girl’
Strange? Sure. But we expect nothing less from a Top Chef winner who serves L.A. with lamb neck with creamy oats and plates of popcorn gizzards.