Fake, Guy Fieri–Starring Road House Parody Script Is the Internet At Its Time-Wasting Best

Don't front.
Don't front. Photo: John W. Ferguson

Stick with us on this one: For the uninformed, @DadBoner is the very funny fake Twitter account of a (presumably) fictitious person named Karl Weilzein. Followers of Karl know that he’s recently been working up an idea for a remake of Road House — the 1989 Patrick Swayze movie that just happens to be Bourdain-approved — starring Guy Fieri. And today, Karl lets everyone know he’s written the first scene, which he has posted on Craigslist. (The script is for sale, you see.) Anyway, once you’re done parsing out all that, go spend five minutes reading it, if only to enjoy scene-setting like this: “Guy Cooler (played by Guy Fieri) is hangin’ out behind the bar, peepin’ all the babes and makin’ sure everyone’s safe. The owner, Captain Karl, is doin’ a new dance that’s sweepin’ the nation called ‘The Peener’ with 4-6 consensual babes, ripe with all the toppings.” [Karl Welzein/Twitter]