Beer, beer everywhere and all for us to drink. Saturday’s “213 Beer Crawl” in Downtown was packed with potential to spend the full day sipping rare, staple, and special brews coming from some of the world’s most exciting new and time-tested beer-makers. But we only made it to five of the seven stops chartered by 213 Nightlife and The Beer Chicks. Okay, make that four if you don’t count the buzz-killing Golden Gopher, which gave us the boot for defending our right to eat pupusas on the bar’s store counter. But it was still a foggy day well-spent, regardless of the aches, cold sweat, and head-splitting pains brought on by nightfall. Here now, a breakdown of what we kinda, sorta recall from Saturday’s smash-fest.
1. Strand Brewing Co.’s cask-brewed Double Citra IPA, a deep-gold, honey-hued ale with flotsam and jetsam drifting through the glass like stray sea monkeys, is a strong way to start, with prized notes of lychee on the nose welcoming everyone to the party.
2. The stout from Lake Elsinore’s Craft Brewing Co. is beyond chocolately, its special Sir Walter’s Scottish ale surprisingly, enjoyably sour, and its warlock mascot almost Satanic enough.
3. Black Market Brewing Co.’s rye IPA might be our favorite in the rye IPA genre, so far (though we kind of feel like we’re cheating on Bear Republic and Sierra Nevada when we say that).
4. Sierra also makes a lip balm infused with hops. On another note, hops and cannabis belong to the same species, though that still doesn’t exactly explain why we pocketed ten lip balms.
5. Firestone’s oak-aged Double DBA tastes sort of like bourbon, which is a good thing. The 12% ABV is also a good thing, even if it may have marked the beginning of our downfall.
6. Seven Grand makes a damn good beer cocktail, as evidenced by their beer-laced Old Fashioned this weekend. No wonder 213 took home a prize for “Best American Cocktail Bar” at Tales of the Cocktail this month.
7. We’ve long loved Deschutes, but now we’re in love with Deschutes after drinking its Black Butte XXIV Imperial Porter. Lawdavmercy!
8. One may need to inform their plus-one that a “beer crawl” is actually more than just one stop so everyone can pace themselves accordingly.
9. “Go ahead, call security,” is a really bad response if you’re planning on staying for the Sculpin IPA, Drake’s Aroma Coma, and Ladyface Ale at Golden Gopher.
10. One can only comprehend just how pickled they really are once they stumble from the dark bosom of a bar to step out into the daylight. Stupid daylight.
11. We plan to drink a lot of El Segundo Brewing Co.’s tropical, citrusy Citra Pale in the coming months.
12. Strangers really get a thrill from telling you how drunk you or your plus-one appear to be, as if that isn’t one of the likely consequences of drinking 116 ales and beer cocktails in a single afternoon.
13. If you drop something, those same people will probably laugh and point at you. Double that if you fall on your face while trying to cross a Downtown street.
14. Even really drunk people sometimes still posses the sound judgement to cut themselves off and go home.
15. It is really hard to pee publicly anywhere in Downtown while the sun is still out. Security guards and deputized brute squads will suddenly materialize out of nowhere even if you’re convinced you’ve found a safe spot (which may or may not be a department store staircase).
16. De-scrambling the MTA’s opening screen at the train station is really hard, whether you’re sober or soused. Tap Card (plus $1.00)? Tap card (plus $2.00)? We just want to go home!
17. The MTA is retarded. Enjoy our tasting glasses, guys.
18. If you flop around drunk and talk about debauched things on the bus ride home, a Jesus guy might give you a flyer about how much you need to be saved (possibly even featuring a reverend in a purple pimp suit).
19. Waking up at 9:30 P.M. after drinking beer all day in the heat really hurts. A lot.
20. Tacos and a big bottle of water are as good as anything else to cure what ails you.