The Obamas’ Latest Plot to Destroy America: Healthy Recipes

Plotting.... Photo: Getty Images

We all know that the Obamas — especially Michelle — have a secret agenda: Force Americans to eat the elitist food that they themselves eat by pointing out that vegetables are “healthier” than super-sized bags of Doritos or Big Gulps or whatever the hell else it is that real Americans want to eat. (Just watch as Barack Obama forces himself to stomach disgusting-looking food in an effort to connect with John Q. Fatass.) Anyway, now FLOTUS’s Let’s Move campaign is asking America’s children to send in healthy recipes, all under the guise of a “contest.” Winners will get a trip to Washington, D.C., where the democrats will no doubt pump the kids’ poor, unformed brains full of anti-American rhetoric. Ah, not really. It sounds fun, and totally harmless, but we’re sure someone will take issue with this. Just remember: “No unsupervised knife tasks or cooking over open flame.” Raw foodists, this is your moment! [The Healthy Lunchtime Challenge via Diner’s Journal/NYT]