It's officially spring, and there are tons of signs that we're living in a brave new world: Martha Stewart live-tweeted her dental work, pink slime plants are closing left and right, and restaurant employees are protesting for paid sick leave. The seasons turn, but where food is concerned there will always be weirdness. We've combed through the headlines and gathered the strangest items in the James Weird awards, straight ahead.
• A couple in the U.K. was in the middle of celebrating the purchase of their new home when the entire kitchen floor collapsed under their feet. The worst part: The beautiful kitchen, complete with a large range cooker, was one of the reasons why they bought the house in the first place. [Daily Mail UK]
• J&D's Foods, purveyors of terrifying bacon-related products like Bacon Salt, Baconnaise, and Bacon Lube, has created a Bacon Coffin "for those who love bacon to death." The functioning casket (painted to resemble a crispy strip) comes with a bacon air freshener, obviously. No returns accepted, but we'd suggest checking the date (April Fools!) before ordering one. [CHOW]
• A grocery store employee in Chicago was arrested after police noticed packages of stolen meat stuffed in his shirt and hanging out of the cuff of his pant leg. [TribLocal]
• Sad: A woman in California is accused of assisting an 86-year-old World War II vet to take his own life by feeding him Oxycontin-laced yogurt. [MSNBC]
• A fleet-footed thief in Maine ran between a car and a McDonald's takeout window to snatch a bag of food before it could reach its hungry passengers. The police found the man digging into his burgled meal in a nearby parking lot, but he escaped into some woods, where we imagine he will survive by snatching acorns out of the paws of tiny squirrels. [Kennebec Journal]