While we were distracted by Crif Dogs' line of condoms and the revelation that Wolfgang Puck used to be shy, weird food stuff was going on right under our noses. So much weird food stuff! We've compiled the best of it in this week's edition of the James Weird Awards, straight ahead.
• The bacon milkshake so gleefully introduced this week by fast-food chain Jack in the Box contains nary a trace of real bacon. File under "disappointing, but not altogether unexpected." [Chow]
• A man walked out of a Sacramento bank with a sack full of cash after claiming there was a bomb hidden in his McDonald's food bag. The "bomb" turned out to be a few McDonald's boxed apple pies, and the man was apprehended just a few blocks from the scene. We have to agree with the police officer who noted, "Clearly he's not that good at bank robbery." [NYDN]
• Looking for a little something to get you through the seemingly never-ending Girl Scout cookie off-season? Family Dollar stocks a brand of $1.75-per-box taste-alikes all year 'round. You didn't hear it from us. [Brokelyn]
• A man who was run over by a car in 2009 after a night of drunkenly dominating the beer pong table at a local bar tried to sue the bar for allowing him to get drunk enough to be run over by a car. That sounds exactly like a drunk person's logic. [NYP via Gothamist]
• A Florida judge presiding over a domestic dispute case ordered the husband to treat his wife to flowers, bowling, and dinner for two at Red Lobster. In what world are unlimited Cheddar Bay Biscuits considered appropriate punishment for shoving your wife? [Daily Mail UK]
• In what sounds like a horrifying incident at a KFC in Glasgow, Scotland, a customer was attacked at random by a man who bit part of the patron's ear off. [HuffPo]
• Dousing clams with gasoline and lighting them on fire in a gravel pit sounds like the kind of thing a group of stupid foodie teenagers might do for fun, but it's actually common practice in North Korea. The method produces great-tasting (if slightly under-cooked) clams with no gasoline aftertaste. [HuffPo]