Here Are Your Favorite Bartenders’ Bad Jokes

By
Actual comedian Maria Ciampa
Actual comedian Maria Ciampa Photo: all heart

The Magners Comedy Festival (motto: “funny to the core”) arrives in Boston beginning January 25. The five-day laugh-fest spotlights the area’s top comic talent. The festival (and maybe the comics!) are supported by Magners Irish Cider. In advance of the fest, a few of the city’s top bartenders shared their favorite jokes with us. Uh, let’s just say that they should stick to spiked punch, not punch lines.

Naomi Kavanagh, The Whiskey Priest
Two guys are sitting at a bar. One asks the other, “What are you drinking?” The second guy says, “It’s the greatest drink in the world! It makes you feel awesome, like you can actually fly. Watch!” And with that, he jumps off his stool and literally flies around the room. The first guy says, “Holy sh*t - that’s amazing! I’ll have one of those!” He takes the drink, walks up to the roof of the building, jumps off and falls to his death. The bartender looks at the second guy and says, “You know, you’re a real jerk when you drink, Superman.”

Jeff Hammel, The North Star
A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

Josh Childs, Silvertone Bar & Grill
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Blue.

Patrick Sandlin, Foundry on Elm
Did you hear the one about the magic cow? She was walking down the road and turned into a field.

OK, now we need a drink!

Here Are Your Favorite Bartenders’ Bad Jokes