This week we learned that man can survive on beer alone, that not everyone knows the difference between affogato and avocado, and that orange peels — besides acting as a lovely garnish — have been shown to decrease the E. coli-causing bacteria in cows. We learned other weird things about food this week, too, and we've compiled them for you in the James Weird Awards, straight ahead.
• Golf fans are wondering if an onlooker's enthusiastic cry of "Mashed potatoes!" during Tiger Woods' eighteenth-hole tee shot contributed to the golfer's first tournament win in two years. [Larry Brown Sports]
• It is possible to make Doritos Consommé! And why wouldn't you, when the instructional video includes the phrase "remove the Doritos scum and matter"? [CHOW]
• One can't exactly blame cash-strapped English teens for participating in a "donate blood, get a free case of alcohol" promotion, but one can certainly blame the beverage company behind the scheme. Turbo Drinks, whose lemonade/lager mix was given away to groups of four blood donors outside a blood bank in Leeds, has come under fire for encouraging drinking in a subset of the U.K. population that is already prone to liver disease and alcoholism. [Sun UK]
• A man in Naples, Florida, was caught by police after attempting to shoplift four steaks and a pair of candles by stuffing the items down his pants. The lucky man or lady with whom the thief intended to share that romantic dinner was probably very proud of the effort. [HuffPo]
• This is sad and upsetting, not weird: After a seven-hour standoff with police in a Laredo, Texas, welfare office, a mother unable to qualify for food stamps shot her two children, then committed suicide. [Fox News]
• After stealing a night's profit to cover a drug debt, a pizza-delivery driver in Nevada invented a tall tale about being robbed on the job to cover her tracks, even going so far as to detail the facial features of the imaginary burglars for a composite artist. [HuffPo]