Sometimes it feels like we're living in an alternate universe — one in which pizza is a vegetable, Champagne-only diets actually work, and everyone produces gross post-asparagus odors that only a chosen few can smell. There was no shortage of otherworldly food news this week, and it's all in the James Weird Awards, straight ahead.
• A psychology professor edging close to retirement caused a stir at California State University at Sacramento after walking out on multiple classes. His explanation? His students didn't prepare homemade snacks for the class, a requirement outlined in the syllabus. The professor said that if he were given a directive to abandon the requirement, "I'd probably ignore it." [Inside Higher Ed]
• Well, we've finally reached the last bacon frontier: Seattle-based company J&D's Foods has produced bacon-flavored personal lubricant, and it's called Baconlube. "No more horrifying bedroom experiments with bacon grease!" the company's press release claims. Wait, what? [Globe and Mail]
• A college lecturer at Sinchuan University is developing a tea fertilized by panda feces. The drink, which the man believes could net him up to $36,000 per pound and a Guinness World Record, will have a "mature, nutty taste" and be chock-full of fibers and nutrients that pandas don't naturally absorb after eating. This just proves our theory that pandas don't need fibers and nutrients because they're made of sunshine and happiness. [World News AU via HuffPo]
• In not-gross news, a Japanese artist and former chef has taken to creating elaborate edible headpieces out of raw vegetables, fresh flowers, and other natural foods and greenery. Think "broccoli/radish/red pepper skullcap." [Inhabitat]