The Globe’s Dishing column branches into satire with a response to that Boston magazine break-up letter we told you about a few days ago. They’ve crafted their own response letter, writing as “Todd English” himself. More ahead.
In “his” response to Boston’s kiss-off, Todd poses as a pouty wannabe athlete with ADD who thinks he’s Charlie Sheen. (And when the Charlie Sheen references start cropping up, well, you know things are bad.)
Apparently, “Todd” really, really hates us, mainly because we judge ourselves in comparison with the Yankees. (“I’ve always admired your loyalty, Boston. Only you would wait 86 years for a championship baseball team …. You have an inferiority complex. You have to demean the other guy, measure yourself against him. Yankees suck? No they don’t.” Ouch!)
Also, apparently “Todd” fancies himself an athlete. (“You don’t own me. I can’t be contained! I am a force! Do you think pro athletes are faithful to their wives on the road?”) This rant continues until someone offers him a tasty cupcake.
Throw in a casual tiger blood reference (“I have tiger blood, you know? I’m a culinary Sheen”) and one thing’s for certain: Todd English is so over.
Dear Boston: Actually, It Is You [Globe]