The James Weird Awards: Mafia Shakedowns, Tasteless Comedy, and an IHOP Brawl

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This week we learned about sketchy professors tipping with porn, Dunkin' Donuts' uninspired royal-wedding doughnuts, and something called Cupcake Vodka. Unsettling, yes, but there's somehow even more strangeness to report, and it's all in the weekly James Weird Awards.

Cops in Ohio tried to pull over a woman for drunk driving but were forced to wait when the suspect insisted on picking up food at a Taco Bell drive-through first. Her blood-alcohol level was found to be twice the legal limit, which explains why she was at Taco Bell. [AP]

An Albuquerque man was arrested after police watched him steal grease from an area restaurant's Dumpster. Police suspect that rising gas prices fueled the man's decision to become a grease thief. [KOB]

An early morning brawl involving police and a group of female civilians broke out at an Atlanta IHOP for unknown reasons. Eyewitness accounts say an off-duty cop instigated the 4 a.m. melee when he "lunged" at one woman and punched another. More like International House of Pain! [Jezebel]

There's unsafe sex, and then there's this: According to court testimony, a Staten Island restaurant owner paid the mafia $50,000 to not be murdered after he impregnated a mobster's wife. "Instead of getting killed, he'd have to pay a tax," the cuckolded criminal told the court. "It was basically a penalty." [NYDN]

Cheap jokes came at a high price for one Vancouver restaurant owner who's being fined $7,500 after one of his customers became the butt of a stand-up comedian's gay jokes. The comic, who himself is being fined $22,500, was performing at the restaurant when he decided to "hurl a torrent of sexual insults" at the woman and her partner. Check, please. [Vancouver Sun]

Paramedics were called when a customer at a restaurant in Australia fell to the ground and suffered an apparent seizure. As he was being loaded into the ambulance, a waiter ran after him and his dining companion to deliver the bill. "My opinion is they ate in our restaurant," the manager said. "They have to pay." [New Zealand Herald]