In these turbulent times of cupcake rage — times when Charlie Sheen's "Tiger Blood" and "Baby Gaga" breast-milk ice cream are being sold openly in the streets (well, until they cracked down on the ice cream, anyway) — it's easy to think that we've seen it all. We haven't, of course, and the weekly James Weird Awards are here to offer even more odd news from the world of food.
• A competitive policeman in Texas was suspended from duty after throwing a canister of tear gas at an opponent during a friendly barbecue cook-off. To make matters worse, the cop missed his target, instead hitting a tent “occupied by several military veterans including some amputees in wheelchairs.” [Pat's Papers]
• A drunk man broke into a Minnesota Pizza Hut to cook himself some boneless chicken wings. The 21-year-old boasted a .22 blood alcohol level when the cops found him at the fryer. [FOX 9]
• Customs officials at the Texas-Mexico border seized 58 pounds of undeclared iguana meat. “This is a substantial amount of iguana meat," said one official. "Well beyond what would be considered as personal use." The exotic reptile meat was apparently destined to fill tamales. [MSNBC]
• A California woman who is not a cartoon is suing a store after having slipped on a banana peel. Slipping on improperly discarded banana peels has long been a problem in America; in 1879, Harper's Weekly wrote that "whosoever throws banana skins on the sidewalk does a great unkindness to the public, and is quite likely to be responsible for a broken limb." [Toronto Sun]
• A man in Arkansas urinated on $500 worth of chicken at a Kroger grocery store. The drunk offender reportedly also "ate a large package of ham" before being charged with public intoxication, theft of property, and criminal mischief. [KARK 4]
• A hen in Iowa has produced a freakishly large egg. The egg is three and a half inches long, six and a half inches around, and 4.1 ounces heavy — "about twice the size of large eggs sold by the dozen in supermarkets." The hen's farmer calls it "egg-normous," but we call it the best hangover omelette ever. [WP]
• Police in Toronto seized literally a million dollars' worth of illegal drugs in a downtown pizza parlor. Found in the shop were marijuana, ecstasy, crack cocaine, Oxycontin, and some very bummed-out delivery drivers. [Yahoo News]