Sure, everybody over the age of ten pretty much hates the pressure and syrupy Hallmark vibes of Valentine’s Day, even when they do have someone to share it with. In the last few years, restaurants have tried to prove just how edgy they are with various anti-Valentine’s Day’s events. This year, we see Ammo and Gladstone’s getting in on the action. Ammo is throwing a “Valentine’s Day for cynical people” with the restaurant declaring itself “true, unapologetic, and even proud Valentine’s Day haters.” Gladstone’s, meanwhile, “is inviting ‘haters’ to an anti-Valentine’s Day party” with bottomless Bloody Mary’s and mimosas for $25, plus a performance by hard-rocking Black Crystal Wolf Kids. However, there’s just one hole in the steely, scoffing defenses of these two restaurants.
Both events are on Sunday, February 13th. That’s right! These heart-shatteringly cool restaurants, even the “true, unapologetic, and even proud Valentine’s Day haters” are not letting contempt get in the way of real Valentine’s Day, the day restaurants rely on for a hot cash injection. They’re just adding another planned night to drive in some ducats.
Come the 14th, it’s suddenly all lover’s rock over at Ammo and Gladstone’s, with the Hollywood locavore doing the sort of four-course pre-fixe for $72 that you’re expected to take someone to while the beach-front mainstay tries seducing you with ocean views and a special menu of aphrodisiacs on the half shell. Nice try guys, but it turns out you’re not the cruel, jaded bad boys you appear to be, but really just a bunch of sweet softies with passion flowing through your rebellious facades. Everybody now: “Awww!”
But if you really hate romance, there’s a thousand singles bars to drown your shame in with a new friend, and of course, an actual “Valentine’s Day sucks” party at Bird’s in Los Feliz on Monday.