Fatty Johnson’s Is Run by a Bunch of Mean Stupidfaces

Look what they did to this poor goat.

Look, we won't beat around the bush: Here at Grub Street, we are extremely capable — some might even say superlative — drink-makers. Daniel's signature Mountain Don'ts (Mountain Dew plus "everything in the liquor cabinet") are way tastier than they sound. You've never had a better Martinez than the ones Alan makes with homemade vermouth. And Jenny's Sichuan-pepper margaritas are numbing in all the best ways. But the sad part is you'll probably never get a chance to try any of them because the buttholes over at Fatty Johnson's did not invite us to take part in the media mixology nights they're hosting tonight and tomorrow. Great. Whatevs. If they'd rather have a bunch of yahoos from Tasting Table and Metromix and whoever else make drinks there THAT'S FINE WITH US. We didn't want to be part of their stupid party anyway. [Fatty Johnson's; PDF]