First Jerky Takedown Hits Bell House This January

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Really, what else could you call it? Photo: Matthew Langland

Matt Timms, the eccentric mastermind behind the Chili, Bacon, and Cookie Takedowns, today announced his premiere Jerky Takedown, to take place at the Bell House on January 23. Calling the event "The World's Biggest Jerk Off," Timms e-mails that he has been mulling over the notion for two years: "Jerky actually got really big last year, so it's either a perfect storm or the worst idea ever!!!" (Triple exclamation points his.)

He's right about the trend factor, but it remains to be seen whether jerky can sell out the Bell House, as have past takedowns. Timms reminds potential combatants that they don't need dehydrators — an oven set to low can yield similar results — but we have to say that we've never seen such a badass dehydrator as the one in this event poster.

If you want to avoid literally killing your fellow contestants at the takedown (or those who paid $10 to walk through the door), here are the USDA's tips for making safe homemade jerky.

World's Biggest Jerk Off [Chili Takedown]