Okay, We Get It: You Don’t Like Foodies. Now Shut Up Already!

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Photo: istockphoto

The Times, of all publications, is the latest to jump on the anti-foodie bandwagon with a short screed from Alexandra Jacobs. She complains that foodies are, like, everywhere even Midwesterners are blogging about cupcakes, and even your Republican father-in-law can pronounce quinoa! (Arent Republicans just supposed to eat beating human hearts slathered in A1 sauce? How gross of them to start eating actual food and pronouncing it properly!). Worst of all, the Greenmarket is so crowded now which, come to think of it, is the sort of complaint only an annoying foodie would have, but whatever! Lets proceed straight to this intrepid reporters anecdotes about her annoying foodie friends.

First of all, theres this annoying guy in the Bay area that has garlic preferences, thinks cook-offs are fun, and is particular about his oven and his produce. What a douche! This other person found a pebble in her fancy soup once (that would never happen with Chef Boyardee!) Also, theres this person who feels lame because she cant cook better. And that persons sister felt lame when she went to a dinner party and brought a Toll House log while these other guys brought homemade ice cream. So obnoxious of those guys to make ice cream when they couldve just brought Haagen Dazs! Plus, these other guys had a pig roast once and they undercooked the pig! Idiots! Why didnt they just order Papa Johns? And finally, this friend of the authors was once treated to a home-cooked tasting menu by this total annoying rich dude. She found it totally lame and now shes dating this lawyer who doesnt cook. Because thats who we all want to be dating someone who doesnt cook (but who has enough money to take us somewhere nice).

This, folks, is what it takes to write an anti-foodie article. Make fun of a handful of people who are picky about food, or who enjoy cooking. Call them foodiots or foochebags (or foodtards or foodjerks or foodlosers). Tell them they should be eating at the Old Spaghetti Factory instead. As irritating as foodies can be, theyre nowhere near as irritating as these trendy little trend pieces. And theres just something disingenuous about them. If Jacobs is really so annoyed by the guys who went to the trouble of roasting a pig, why did she pen a 1,300-word piece for Food & Wine about the ins and outs of her husbands grilling preferences, going so far as to name-check brands and telling us all about how he experimented with hot-smoking salmon at 165 degrees until it was flaky and permeated with alder smoke. Alder smoke? You mean he has a wood chip preference? Next thing youll be telling us he prefers a certain type of garlic!

Thats what annoys us most every time we read one of these numbers the sneaking suspicion that the people scribbling them off are taking their checks and spending them on, say, $550 Grill Domes, or maybe on produce at the Greenmarket. Though the Greenmarket is so crowded these days...

Grass Fed Up [NYT/T Magazine]