Four Loko to America: Fine, We’ll Take the Caffeine Out. Happy Now?

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Listen up, dudes: It was fun while it lasted, but the thing about having a buzz is that you've got to come down from it. Such is the case with Four Loko, the makers of which — bowing to pressure from the party poopers in Albany, Washington, D.C., Boston, Lansing, Salt Lake City, and pretty much everywhere else — sadly announced that they'll take the caffeine (and the guarana and the taurine) out of their society-destroying drink. (The makers of Joose aren't going quite as quietly; they say they'll review any new restrictions and stay within the guidelines.) Some people just can't handle a good time. [WSJ, Phusion Projects, Joose]