Four Loko to America: Fine, We’ll Take the Caffeine Out. Happy Now?

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Listen up, dudes: It was fun while it lasted, but the thing about having a buzz is that you've got to come down from it. Such is the case with Four Loko, the makers of which bowing to pressure from the party poopers in Albany, Washington, D.C., Boston, Lansing, Salt Lake City, and pretty much everywhere else sadly announced that they'll take the caffeine (and the guarana and the taurine) out of their society-destroying drink. (The makers of Joose aren't going quite as quietly; they say they'll review any new restrictions and stay within the guidelines.) Some people just can't handle a good time. [WSJ, Phusion Projects, Joose]