Check out this video of Ben Sargent, a Bostonian who operates a secret lobster-roll shop out of his Greenpoint basement. If you have his number, you can order some rolls (assuming he doesn’t have a date that night) and he’ll slip them through his mail slot for you. Of course, Sargent begins his video with the familiar “New York doesn’t know what a real lobster roll is” pitch and goes on to reveal his secrets: a minimal amount of Hellmann’s, big chunks of meat from lobsters that are steamed alive in salt water and onions, and a roll that’s buttered on both sides. You can direct message the story’s author, Liza de Guia, on Twitter or e-mail Sargent via his website if you want to gain admittance into his lobster lair. But look, if you’re going to this much trouble, you might as well just follow his instructions and make them yourself.