Fratastrophic: State Liquor Authority Busts Up the Beer-Pong Party

By
Photo: iStockphoto

As expected, the State Liquor Authority has issued a ruling that’s bound to dampen the fratmosphere in any number of Murray Hill douchetinations. After a beer-pong-tournament producer, World Beer Pong Tour, asked the Authority to clarify its stance on its events, the SLA ruled that the events are in violation of a statute in the Alcoholic Beverage Control Laws that bans “unlimited drinks.” (Not only does that law ban open-bar specials, but it also bans cheap-drink specials that amount to an open bar in the Authority’s eyes. Bars are usually not allowed to discount drinks more than half off their usual price.) According to papers sent to us by the Authority, World Beer Pong Tour had argued that its events don’t require cups to be filled with beer, and no free drinks are offered; however, the Authority ruled that these were basically just efforts to circumvent the law. After all, filling cups with water is frickin' lame, dude.

Coupled with the fervor individuals have for playing with beer, as inherent to the traditional roots of the game, this competitiveness in itself encourages individuals to consume alcohol while playing in the tournament and poses an unwarrantable risk in that individuals will feel pressure to buy beer from the licensed premises in order to play ‘beer pong.’ Encouraging a competition which is routinely played with cups filled with beer and the requirement that the opponent must drink the beer if their adversary thtows [sic] the ping-pong ball in one of their cups does not foster and promote temperance for and obedience to the law.

Lesson here: Even if you try to get around the SLA’s beer-pong ban by saying, “Hey, people can fill their cups with Mr. Pibb if they want to,” the SLA is going to be just as unwavering as your mom was when you told her that just because you wanted to go to the Pink Floyd laser show didn’t mean you were going to smoke up. Not that that’s stopping anyone — according to this schedule, World Beer Pong Tour has events coming up at Porky’s and other fine-imbibing establishments. But you might want to sit them out — per a post that’s picking up a lot of comments over at Daily Intel, sharing cups during beer pong is said to put you at a higher risk of swine flu! Which is nothing compared to what else you might catch from the dude in the sandals and the backward baseball cap.