TMZ reports that police were called to the scene when Lindsay Lohan tried to get back a cell phone she had left at Nolita deli Mott Corner, and a counterman insisted on checking security cameras to make sure it was actually hers. Cue Lindsay freakout. If this were any other place, we’d be all, “take a chill pill, Lindz, dinner is waiting for you at Civetta or La Esquina or wherever” but we happen to frequent Mott Corner. And nice as it is that it’s open 24 hours and that the cashier tells us to pay later when we’re short a buck or two (so yes, they’re okay dudes), this place is the pits.
To be sure, the things that bother us about Mott Corner are minuscule, petty almost, but they add up to make this place [cue Keith Olbermann voice] The Worst Deli in the World. Never mind that they totally botch any and all orders you give them, whether it’s because of a language barrier or a comprehension barrier. It’s more the fact that they don’t keep staples like salami or provolone cheese around; or the fact that when you ask for a sandwich, they assume you want it hot (with the stale bun toasted), even if all you’ve ordered is cheese and mayo on a roll to make sure they don’t mess anything up; or the fact that every time they make a sandwich, it’s like they’re just learning how to make a sandwich for the first time, and you’re invariably standing around for half an hour in the inadequate air-conditioning while they gab with the cabbie regulars. (Seriously, these guys could spend five minutes just slicing a roll.) Or the fact that the drink selection is so crappy — like, if you want a diet soda, your only option is Diet Coke. One time, we decided to try the one Indian dish on the menu, in case we were missing out on the Mott Corner’s true specialty — and, no joke, they put a Cup O’ Noodles in the microwave. Trust us, we could go on and on, and if we had time, we’d just cut and paste previous IM conversations with friends, in which they have to calm us down and say “everything’s going to be okay.”
Anyway, if the TMZ report is true, we’re not surprised something got to Li Lo here — in fact, short of her mistakenly being thrown into Guantánamo, this is pretty much the only place that could make us sympathize with Lindsay Lohan. Though we’re suddenly remembering we owe this place two bucks.