Bar Rules: No Throwing Hummus or Calling the Owner ‘Teddy Ruxpin’


Man, if you thought the rules at Ward III were a bit much, you have to read Pacific Standard’s spiel about its “frequent drinker” program. Though we just stumbled on it, it’s surely been around for a while — but it’s so McSweeney’s-worthy that we can’t resist sharing. Members are entitled to “free beer cozy rentals” and access to an “in-bar concierge (‘bartender’),” and they can earn a point for every $1 they spend, entitling them to everything from a growler of runoff (10 points) to an “all-expenses paid trip to Williamsburg” including dinner at Fette Sau (2,000 points) to watching one of the owners, Jon Stan, throw a baton (100 points) to watching the other, John Rauschenberg, do his guinea-pig impression (also 100 points). The list is kind of endless, but you have to read it for lines like “At the time of payment, you may choose (1) a drawing of you fighting a whaleshark riding an Abrams tank with nothing but your bulging muscles and a harpoon-like device … ” Just one question: Do people actually use these cards? Apparently. A list of member tallies indicates no fewer than four people have blown over $4,000 at the bar!

Pacific Standard Frequent Drinker Card Membership Guide [Official site]