Know those weird interjections in the outgoing messages at Schiller’s and Pastis, “Schiller’s is not now, nor has it ever been, a massage parlor” and “For directions in French, please take lessons at the Alliance Français”? Well, the Minetta has one too! “For reservations, please press zero. To cancel or confirm an existing reservation, please press two. For directions and hours, please press three. For lost and found or any office matters, please press 201. For problems with your marriage, please call me at home.” Heh. How cute! Of course, opening night is fully booked. You can try your luck walking in when dinner service starts at 5:30 p.m.; Thrillist has a list of your drink options and DailyCandy has a Minetta trivia quiz for your wait.