Five Guys might not have been getting a lot of love lately from Chicagoist and Serious Eats, but Chicago Gluttons doesn’t care. In one of the most orgasmic reviews written on the site, reviewer Roy says of the Maryland chain:
“The burger was a perfect little greaseball. I was almost sexually attracted to it.
This is the type of burger beautiful poems are written about.
The kind of burger that you could serve at a wedding.
The kind of burger you could talk someone off a ledge with.”
Even after the burger is gone, Roy’s memories linger on: “As I finished the last bite, a sentimental hamburger clip-show played in my head. Boyz to Men’s “Its So Hard to Say Goodbye” gently filled my mind. All the best burgers from my past were there … They formed a circle around us as I slow danced with my Five Guys WTF burger. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you”, I whispered to it. “I’m in love with you… maybe you could put on some mayo for me later?”