The New York Post’s Page Six Magazine (which is to the NY media landscape what my younger sister OMGing with her friends about high school makeouts is to the world of international finance) has this totally dumb centerpiece article comparing New York to Chicago in the realm of “scumminess.” And they declare Chicago to be the scummier city four times out of five.
So yes, okay, certain matters — the murder rate, specifically — are clear-cut. But here is where we take some serious issue: the mag asks “Which city is more disastrous for your waistline? Let’s look to famous heavyweights to find out,” and then declares that Oprah is scummier than Mario Batali.
First of all: WTF. The post is seriously implying that New York’s analog to Her O-ness is Mario freaking Batali!? Zoinks, y’all. I love Mario as much as the next girl (the promise of a dinner at Babbo is enough to get me to drop all plans), but he is no Oprah. They don’t even operate in the same plane of existence. And the specious specific on which the decision is made — that Oprah ” needs the entire world” in her attempt to lose weight, while Batali is doing it with just (the imho repugnant)Gwyneth Paltrow in his corner, and therefore Batali is better at dieting — means that Chicago is a “more fattening,” and therefore “scummier” city?
I realize this is arbitrary line-drawing, but the comparison seems so ludicrous — for all that Chicago is easily stereotyped as the city of deep-dish pizza and tube-encased meats, so can we also pigeonhole NYC for its fatty half-pound pastrami sandwiches, its dirty-water dogs and grease-veneered street meat carts. And Oprah — a woman who, love her or hate her, has advocated healthy eating and inspired bajillions of acolytes to de-lard — has certainly done more for the cause of moderation than mister Mario “I drink a case of wine at a sitting and eat lardo raw” Batali. Come on — his girth has ballooned exponentially in his decade of celebrity, to the point that watching old episodes of Molto Mario are about as reflective of present-day as are sepia prints of your grandparents’ wedding.
A final point in Oprah’s favor, as long as I’m rounding up the specious Chicagoan-weight-related gossip: over on Gawker there’s a strong camp pulling for Oprah to be the answer to a recent blind item about someone planning to secretly get lap-band surgery but attribute the loss to a lifestyle change. Which — Post, pay attention here — would mean that Oprah and Batali are both doing it all with the help of just one person: He’s got Gwyneth, she’s got her plastic surgeon.
Trend: New York vs. Chicago [Page Six Mag, via]
Babbo [MenuPages New York]
Babbo [Official Site]
[Photo via P6M]
