crappy holidays

The Highly Questionable World of New York City Pizza Shippers

The Highly Questionable World of New York City Pizza Shippers

Photo: Buy NY Pizza

If you want to send someone a New York City pizza for the holidays, your options are slim and grim. Flying Pizza offers them, but the pizza on their site looks downright gruesome. What can we say — we’re amused but not convinced by their jazzy promo video. Plus, the pizza is kosher, and according to Rocco’s Brooklyn Pizza, which also ships pies, “A real pizzeria has got to be owned by Italians, run by Italians, with pizza made by Italian hands.” Their amazing pitch continues: “Natives fold each piece in half lengthwise (the better to keep the gooey cheese from cascading onto the floor).” Um? “Natives”? Then there’s I Want NY Pizza — We’re dubious given the fact that they also operate I Want NY Bagels. And finally, the one that might just take the cake: Buy NY Pizza. Pictured here is the Happy Face “Thinking of You Pizza.” Also offered (of course) is the “Fuhgeddabouit!” package: “The Brooklyn slang for ‘Forget About It’ describes this abundant selection of New York Pizza, calzone, and rolls. Unbutton your pants because you'll need the room.” Why do we picture someone actually shoving these sad specimens down someone’s pants? Anyway! Safe to say if you want to share the gift of pizza this season, you’re better off just bringing it over yourself. As Ed Levine has pointed out, refrigeration is overrated anyway.

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