Grub Street readers may not know that their humble editor, Daniel Maurer, moonlights as a manthropologist, and has set forth everything you ever wanted to know about bros and the bros who love them in a new book, Brocabulary: The New Man-i-festo of Dude Talk. The New York Times calls it “an anthem to the joys of male bonding,” and of course much of that bonding occurs at bars and eateries. Here are some words you can use next time you’re at an impresstaurant and you bust out your shred-it card (a credit card that will likely be shredded by the maître d’ when it fails to cover the chef’s tasting).
Bar par – The number of drinks that it’s appropriate to consume at a given drinking establishment: “Dude, drink up, we’re at Off the Wagon — the bar par is five Jäger shots and a beer funnel.”
Dimbibement – Drinking in a dimly lit place such as Elettaria — a good idea on a first date, but during a bromantic rendez-dudes, it’s not about mood lighting, it’s about dude lighting: frat-screen TVs and Miller Lite signs all the way.
Maximum cockupancy – When you walk into a place, usually a douchetination, and it’s all guys: “Dude, where did all the girls go? This place is at maximum cockupancy.”
Peanuts envy – What you suffer from when bar-nacles attach themselves to the bar and hog all the bar food.
Shamburger – A veggie burger that also qualifies as a ma’amburger because chicks are the only ones who’d order it.
Smashedication – Eating while drunk, like David Hasselhoff trying to pick up a cheeseburger.
For more (highly satirical, and definitely R-rated) advice on the manly arts — including how to be a taparator (a total player who operates on the gaggles of girls at tapas bars), buy Brocabulary online or wherever fine books (as well as this one!) are sold.