Grub Street readers may not know that their humble editor, Daniel Maurer, moonlights as a manthropologist, and has set forth everything you ever wanted to know about bros and the bros who love them in a new book, Brocabulary: The New Man-i-festo of Dude Talk. The New York Times calls it an anthem to the joys of male bonding, and of course much of that bonding occurs at bars and eateries. Here are some words you can use next time youre at an impresstaurant and you bust out your shred-it card (a credit card that will likely be shredded by the matre d when it fails to cover the chefs tasting).
Bar par The number of drinks that its appropriate to consume at a given drinking establishment: Dude, drink up, were at Off the Wagon the bar par is five Jger shots and a beer funnel.
Dimbibement Drinking in a dimly lit place such as Elettaria a good idea on a first date, but during a bromantic rendez-dudes, its not about mood lighting, its about dude lighting: frat-screen TVs and Miller Lite signs all the way.
Maximum cockupancy When you walk into a place, usually a douchetination, and its all guys: Dude, where did all the girls go? This place is at maximum cockupancy.
Peanuts envy What you suffer from when bar-nacles attach themselves to the bar and hog all the bar food.
Shamburger A veggie burger that also qualifies as a maamburger because chicks are the only ones whod order it.
Smashedication Eating while drunk, like David Hasselhoff trying to pick up a cheeseburger.
For more (highly satirical, and definitely R-rated) advice on the manly arts including how to be a taparator (a total player who operates on the gaggles of girls at tapas bars), buy Brocabulary online or wherever fine books (as well as this one!) are sold.