What Waiters Shouldn’t Say

waiter rant

Courtesy of HarperCollins

Waiter Rant is getting plenty of attention from the media, and why not? We can't remember the last time the travails of a server were expressed so fitfully and forcefully. Moira Hodgson, in today's Wall Street Journal, collects a few highlights from the book, such as a waiter who plays floor hockey in the kitchen with a returned hamburger patty before hosing it off and taking it back to the table and another who surfs porn on the restaurant's POS computer. (That's the terminal at the front of the house that keeps track of orders, reservations, and so on.) But Hodgson, the restaurant critic of the Observer, adds a few things she never wants to hear from waiters again, based on her own dining experience. We agree with every one:

"The manager has already turned down the [pounding techno] music."
"Let me run through our list of [a dozen] specials."
"There's nothing wrong with the fish! It's delivered fresh every day."
"Enjoy!"
"I assumed you wanted me to keep pouring more bottles of water for the table."
"Are you still working on that?"

Take Your Own Damn Order [WSJ]
Related: Steve Dublanica, Author of Waiter Rant, Cannot Confirm or Deny