Ah, the wonders of the Internet — after we reprinted a Craigslist ad in which an anonymous foodie gloated about his Ko reservations and offered a seat up to any takers (preferably Brazilian porn stars or Padma Lakshmi), the author of the ad wrote to us and confessed that he was the selfsame person who sent us a tirade about a $12,000 knish being served at the “Suffolk Kitchen.” You’ll remember that satire was so flawlessly executed that pundit Andrew Sullivan fell for it. So how many responses did “Chef Suffolk” get and how passionate were they in their love of Ko? He tells us himself. (Bolding ours.)
As of this morning, it broke the 100 mark. Hey, I’m as shocked as anyone else.
To those I haven’t written back - sorry. Some I haven’t gotten to, but mostly I have to whittle it down any way I can, because meeting 100 people before this weekend is a tall order. As of this moment I’ve written back to five, all of them intelligent, witty, slightly sarcastic, and who got the humor in all of this.
I would like to respond, here, to a few of those who didn’t hear back from me:
To anyone who didn’t send a picture, or a link to such: sorry, with such a huge response, that was an easy way to weed out about 25% of them. Sending me an email to inform me that you’ll send a picture if I’m interested is a bit of a catch-22. Also, the postage-stamp sized one of you with 30 of your friends at Mardi Gras? That kind of counts as not a picture.
To all of you who already have boyfriends or husbands but would be happy to go on a platonic date: I’m sure you would. Good luck with that.
To the one who has a boyfriend but would be happy to go on a non-platonic date: Cripes, girl. I already got a whole cadre of guys who wanna fight me over at Eater.
In response to C, who wrote, “What’s up, yo?! You are taking me with you. End of story.
Picture attached.” and attached a “funny” picture of a screaming 8 year old: No. End of story.
To N, who said “Sentences are overrated so I’ll go with a list…” which she followed with… go figure, a list. Giraffes, Ethiopia, Grass, Concrete, Words, Cities, Tokyo… and 29 more. She never explained what the list was of - likes, dislikes? To her I would say: sentences are not overrated. They are, in fact, the way humans convey concepts, desires, and emotions to one another. Society would not exist without them. Just like any conversation I might have had with you.
I will post back soon with updates, bests and worsts. In the meantime, the 100 email mark seems as good a point as any to leave you with a few numbers:
Number who mentioned Brazilian porn stars are likely not big eaters: 7
Number who mentioned Brazilian waxes: 9
Number who felt I should pick them over Padma Lakshmi: 14
Number who felt I should pick Tony Bourdain over them: 33
Number who were part of a court case involving one of Chang’s former employers: 1
Well, that’s it for now. First test-date is tonight. Will report back tomorrow…
Oh, my. There’s a reason to check into Grub Street tomorrow: one very big one.