Now that the subMercer (official spelling) has been anointed the new Beatrice, everyone’s going to want in. So what’s the rigmarole? All you have to do is shoot an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org, and they’ll hit you right back! With, um, this.
Thank you for your interest in the subMercer. Due to limited capacity, the subMercer is reservations only. Kindly let us know the time and date of your requested reservation, the number of people you wish to bring, your full contact information, and your relationship to the subMercer. Unfortunately we are not always able to accommodate requests, but we will notify you within 24 hours if it is possible to confirm your desired reservation.
Know this when requesting a resy: At the moment the place is only open Thursday through Saturday, 10 p.m. till 4 a.m. As for your relationship with “the subMercer,” well, that’s for you to figure out. We’re thinking “it’s complicated” ain’t going to cut it.