On His Birthday, We Look Forward to Gordo's Next Year


Gord's Gold: better luck in the next 40?Photo: Getty

Grub Street pal Gordon Ramsay turns 41 today, and the Blustering Brit has had quite a year: He was two-starred by the Times and New York, decried by his neighbors, sued by Dillon’s restaurant for ruining the place in order to save it, and even got himself a seared nut sack into the bargain. What will year 42 of the Ramsay era bring? Here’s a little timeline we’ve whipped up, courtesy of the Grub Street Oracle.

December: At a staff Christmas party in London, someone unwisely presents Ramsay with a teabag as a gag gift. In the ensuing mêlée, a subordinate blinded by Ramsay's hair gel requires airlifting and later sues for unspecified damages.

February: Due to the plummeting ratings for Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, Ramsay is given a sidekick: peppy former ABC anchor Merry Miller. Ratings go up, encouraging the network to also add Top Chef favorite Dale Levitski.

May: Ramsay announces plans to open a restaurant in Sri Lanka. His car is blown up soon afterward by the Tamil Tigers, who are lobbying instead for a Jeffrey Chodorow steakhouse.

July: OK! magazine reveals that Ramsay actually has the unlined features of an English schoolboy and that his wrinkles are drawn on with a Sharpie marker “to add gravitas,” as in the amateur theatricals of his childhood. Ramsay will later claim that his entire face is in fact constructed of papier-mâché and that he suffers from a rare allergy which causes him to molt biannually.

September: Gordon Ramsay at the London is re-reviewed by Adam Platt and gets two stars. In his resulting rage, Ramsay drives his Mini-Cooper into the critic, totaling the car but leaving Platt unscathed.

November: Ramsay turns 43, one year closer to death.