the new york diet

Comedian Michael Showalter Loves Pickles, Milk, and Cookies

"My friends and I call ourselves the Burger Boys."Photo: Melissa Hom

Before the cult success of his television shows with Michael Ian Black — MTV’s The State and Comedy Central’s Stella — comedian Michael Showalter shoplifted bologna from Key Foods (or so his bio says). These days, the Fort Greene resident and writer-director-star of The Baxter, who performs at Southpaw tomorrow night, is never short on olives, pickles, and Tate’s cookies (“the best you can buy at a deli”). Given that his Ten Commandments of Sandwich Making decree that “everything is in play,” we thought the card-carrying “burger boy” might have noshed on some interesting things this week.

Tuesday, December 19
For lunch I ate at City Bakery: macaroni and cheese with chickpea and arugula, an Israeli couscous salad, and a chocolate-chip cookie with a glass of milk. It’s the best macaroni and cheese in New York.

My friends and I like meeting and eating hamburgers; we call ourselves the Burger Boys. We had been eating at the Cedar Tavern; one day we went across the street to get dessert at the Knickerbocker and kind of fell in love with the old New York feel. Now it’s sort of like our Elaine’s. Tonight I had steak and the iceberg-wedge salad, which comes with blue-cheese dressing.

Monday, December 18
Lunch was at City Bakery. The only thing that was different from Tuesday was that I had a coleslaw-esque cabbage in vinaigrette.

I went on a date to a restaurant in Fort Greene called Olea — very good Mediterranean tapas. We had grilled octopus and pan-seared scallops and mixed olives and goat cheese crusted in chickpea falafel.

Sunday, December 17
I didn’t eat until very late — I do a show every Sunday night at Union Hall. I got the Triple Threat: three White Castle–size hamburgers. One has jalapeño peppers on it, one has mushroom, and the other is a regular cheeseburger. They come with potato chips. For dessert I had milk and cookies. I drink a lot of milk primarily because I eat a lot of cookies.

Saturday, December 16
Saturday I was traveling from L.A. to New York and I ate the food they give you on the airplane, which was like raisins and dried fruit and peanuts. When I got home, I ordered in from an Italian restaurant in my neighborhood, Mulino, that delivers. I got a lemon chicken that comes with an endive-arugula three-color salad and had escarole with it.

Friday, December 15
Friday I was on tour doing stand-up with Michael Black. I did a show at the House of Blues in Anaheim, California. That day I had a turkey sandwich for lunch in L.A. Then at the House of Blues, they give you free food. I wanted to get a po’ boy — I love a good po’ boy — but they were out of it, so I got seafood jambalaya. For them it’s sort of Cajun seafood over rice.

Thursday, December 14
We did a show at the Wiltern. I ate dinner after the show at a restaurant in L.A. called the 101 Diner. I got breakfast late at night: bacon and eggs. I saw a really drunk girl barf into the booth. Not mine, thank God.

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